caricature girl

2012-01-01T12:11:00.000-08:00

(sorry this took so long to finish writing but i have a feeling you will understand once you read this,and if you have forgotten part 1 and 2 they are still below)

The Quirky Art Cafe

part 3

“When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there.” ― Zig Ziglar

So, I decided to have a real cafe in my studio.

But to be perfectly honest, I really wanted someone else to do it for me.

When I got home from Spain in May, I dove quickly into the things for the cafe that I knew I could do...rearranging the studio to make room for a coffee counter, cleaning things out, visualizing, finding the perfect counter and making it "look and feel" the way it would best look like a cafe but then came the hard part....

All the legal shit.

Coincidentally, I met a woman at an Art Walk in July who apparently was a coffee shop set up consultant and I was THRILLED. We met a couple times and she validated all the ideas I had with her expertise and knowledge (basically affirming for me that this could really happen), which I really needed at that point.

Then she disappeared.

I tried to get a hold of her but she wouldn't get back to me.

Eventually, I learned in September, that due to serious family issues, she was no longer available to help me and I was left completely on my own once again....

So, after a lot of feeling sorry for myself, one day I just thought "Oh fuck it!" and I finally went to the official places I needed to go, talked to all the official people I needed to talk to and found out all the official things I needed to do. And once I learned what I needed to do....

I honestly wanted to just give up.

But the problem was, I had already "done" it. The cafe was already built, rearranged, sinks in and ready with espresso machine....so I couldn't give up now. A good friend wrote to me at that point..."Hmmm maybe you should have looked into all this BEFORE you actually made it into a cafe." And for a moment, I thought the same... I thought "Oh, I am SO stupid for not having looked into all this BEFORE I did everything.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that IF I had asked what I needed to do first, I would NEVER have gone and done it. I know that I would have given up way before I ever started. The ONLY thing that pushed me through to the end of this was the fact that it was already done.

But it was so hard for me.

All along I kept thinking "I am just an artist, I can't do all this stuff." I felt so far out of my comfort zone, that most days I seriously woke up feeling nauseous about what had to be done that day.

But....I just made myself do what I needed to do, one small uncomfortable step at a time.

And every day, when I would get completely overwhelmed, by fear, money concerns or whatever, I would just go sit in my studio, and reassure myself that this WAS the RIGHT thing to do. I just knew that people would love to come in and enjoy my space with me.

So then, the next day I would get up the courage to go do one more uncomfortable thing...

(like measure every square inch of the lot and the building complex, convert it to metric and then draw up three different site plans TO SCALE for instance....)

It took so much longer than I thought it would. I didn't have the money to go out and hire people to do things like site plans for me or figure out what stock structure (with incorporating) to have, I had to do it all myself.

And now that I am on the other side of it, I am glad for that. I have learned so much and I really did it! I really accomplished something that I honestly didn't think I could do.

I also realized that I needed to get used to the idea of owning/running a cafe on top of my art career as much as I needed to to get all the permits for it. And starting things from scratch meant there were thousands of decisions to make. I had worked in cafes before (the only job I have ever had except for being an artist), but in all those situations, the decisions were already made for me and I just did my job. Here, I had to decide everything....what hours to be open, how I would make all the hot beverages, how the cash register would be programmed, what kind of food would be served...etc. Plus, along with all of this, I still had to maintain my full time art career at the same time- drawing caricatures at events, doing commission work, teaching classes and workshops as well as keeping up with the all the family life responsibilities at home.

One great coincidental thing was that I was able to get the cafe ready right before my trip to another caricature convention in Florida, where I got to spend time with my amazing, caring, talented caricature artist friends, which by that time I REALLY needed.

I opened 3 days after I got home from Florida.

By the time I opened November 23rd, I was really ready....in every way. I no longer panicked about the time commitment of being there 5 days a week from 8-5 or how I would manage responsibilities with my drawing commitments or my family along with it. I just knew that it would all fall into place and it really has.

It was a CRAZY, CRAZY month in December....I was open full time at the cafe 5 days a week, I had a grand opening, 17 caricature event gigs, many commission pieces to do for Christmas and an altered book workshop at Victoria School of the Arts.

But I made it...

and I love my little cafe/art studio even more than I did before....

and honestly, I really didn't know that was possible.

I am thrilled with the response and the feedback I have received from people....

I love meeting longtime residents from the neighbourhood and hearing their stories of how long they have lived here, other special little details of their lives and just how they have LONGED for a cafe in the neighbourhood for years.
I love that I have regulars who come, sit and chat about what's going on in their day so far, and inquire about mine.
I love that I have an after school rush of kids and parents, popping in from the toboggan hill or skating rink across the street for a hot chocolate or chai latte.
I love that I can work on my drawings or paintings when its quiet at the cafe and how even when people come in, how interested they are in what I am working on.

and most of all,

I love hearing how much people feel at home

in my little art corner of the world.

So here we are on the threshold of 2012.....Happy New Year Everyone!

“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”
― Heath L. Buckmaster

2011-11-28T15:00:00.000-08:00

The Quirky Art Cafe

part 2

One of the first things I did when I got the keys to my new studio, was to spend a night there with my best friend Jan. We brought wine, snacks and slept in sleeping bags on the floor in the fresh, empty space. We wanted to celebrate my studio and coincidentally enough,
it was also the 25th anniversary of our hitch-hiking trip around the South Pacific together.

It was perfect...
you know, since we had spent so many nights sleeping on strange floors during that trip, this was an appropriate way to celebrate.

Spending time there, while it was empty, was really important. I had a lot of ideas of what I wanted it to be but I really didn't have one clear, single vision. However, I found that the more time I spent there, the more I could feel my way into the vision.

Of course, I thought it would be cool if it was a REAL cafe,
but there were TOO many complicated
thoughts in the way...
you know, thoughts like:

I still have a preschooler at home and two other young kids in elementary school, how could I possibly be committed to hours at a cafe as well?
I didn't have the kind of money to invest into buying all the equipment that would be needed for a real cafe.
Besides...who would let me have a "real" cafe together with an ART studio...certainly not the Health Board and Food inspection people.

And the biggest thought hurdle....
I am just an artist... I couldn't possibly do all the business things involved with running a REAL cafe.

So I let that idea go and just worked on what it could be, WITHIN my comfort level. I had been teaching altered book making and art journaling for a number of years and knew that it was something I could offer and that might help pay the bills. I would also do my own painting and caricature commissions there.

As far as the design of the studio, I really wasn't sure until my friend Leanne gave me her old oak dining room table and some wooden chairs, and suddenly I could see it.... it would LOOK like a cafe, even if it couldn't be one. Old dining tables and an eclectic collection of chairs, paintings on the walls, and great music, and of course, tons of art supplies.

So I went to work to set up a "pretend" cafe that would be my art studio....
I managed to find two more second hand dining room tables and things started to take shape. I spent time shopping with my little 4 year old Piper in tow...at second hand stores and new stores and quickly things completely fell into place. I found hugely discounted furniture that just happened to look like it was made for my shop. I moved furniture around so much to make sure that the flow felt right and wanted it to be something that my home has never achieved—organized to the point where everything had a place to go away to.

It all just came together so easily.
I began teaching a summer class, 2 months after I rented the studio and had a full teaching calendar starting in September along with my caricature gigs. When people walked in, the most common comment was that it felt like I had been there for years.
For 2 years that is what my studio was....and I loved it.

It was so wonderful to teach without having to cart all my supplies somewhere else and to just have my environment around me. I also loved having birthday parties there. I think in the last two years I celebrated over 25 little girl's birthdays with caricatures and journals.

But the best part was that it was the place where I could go to escape the chaos of the rest of my world.

I must admit that at first, I found it really difficult not having my art supplies at home and felt at a loss, wondering......"What DO people do at home when they don't have art supplies?"

But over time, the separation allowed me to focus more intently on the 2 major elements in my life— my family and my art, without the distraction of the other. It also encouraged me to start sleeping more again (for years I only slept an average of 4 hours a night).

At the studio, I vehemently protected how "open" my studio door was to the world, and in time, I managed to reacquaint myself with all that felt lost from years of giving everything I could to the 3 little people in my life.

In the fall of 2010, when my daughter went to grade 1, I suddenly had days to myself again, for the first time in 14 years. It was a great year! I did whatever I felt like doing. I felt total freedom and loved that I didn't HAVE to be anywhere except where I wanted to be. It was an amazingly creative time and so healing. I did my caricatures, I painted, I managed to have my first solo painting show at the Naess Gallery and then flew off to Girona for another life enhancing caricature convention.

When I got home from Spain, I knew that the time had come for my studio to evolve into something more. I no longer needed the kind of silence and solitude I craved when my days were spent defending my sanity against small children. Plus we really needed to somehow bring more money in our lives.

My trip to Spain with my brother Weston and my son Ry was definitely the precipice for my studio's evolution into a real cafe and thankfully,
I had NO idea what was involved in putting a cafe in my studio....
because IF I would have known then,
I would never have climbed those stairs.

Next, I will tell you about the last 6 months which have changed my approach to business in more ways than any six months prior in my 47 years.

2011-11-24T06:02:00.000-08:00

The Story of the Quirky Art Cafe...
part 1

When I was a kid, after everyone in my family was asleep, I would pack a big suitcase and sit in the living room pretending to be on an airplane flying to Paris. I had never been on a plane but the thought of travel was exciting and I always pictured myself having a little art studio (something that had the look and feel of a café) somewhere in Paris.

In 2001, after drawing caricatures for 17 years, I finally started my own little art company, offering event caricatures, illustrations and teaching mixed media. I named it the Quirky Art Café because as much as I love drawing live caricatures, I also have strong impulses to paint and doodle in other styles. I thought a company called "Quirky Art" would allow me total artistic freedom. And the "Cafe " part came because I love cafes. On my website, I even had “Deep in my imagination exists a little art studio somewhere in Montmartre in Paris” above my logo.

One day in March 2009, I noticed a little shop for rent. Even though I wasn’t too sure I wanted to move out of my home studio just yet, (or that I could afford it), it was more perfect than I could have imagined! Having a studio in my own neighborhood, with a huge storefront window overlooking the beautiful park and playground of the school my kids attend, seemed almost too good to be true.

Something inside of me knew I had to do it.

I really had no specific plan for it at that time, but I just felt that one day I would. Fortunately, Mark, my husband, is almost as trusting of my intuition as me and together we decided that yes, I should rent it.

The day after signing my rental agreement with my landlords Hans and Gretel (I am not kidding), I was taking some pictures of the building from a distance and I suddenly noticed something I hadn’t realized before…the shop next door to me (which Hans and Gretel own and operate) is called the Salon de Paris and they have a huge Eiffel Tower on their sign.

I guess I finally did have my little art studio in Paris after all.

So, that was 2 and a half years ago.
Next, I will tell you how it evolved into what it is today.

2011-09-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

her mid-life crisis refused to let go,

so she disguised it as a fish so that no one would notice....

2011-06-24T23:44:00.000-07:00

"When in doubt, make a fool of yourself.

There is a microscopically thin line
between being brilliantly creative
and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.
So what the hell, leap."
— Cynthia Heimel

Three years ago, I attended my first caricature convention in Raleigh, North Carolina. I bought a $100 wacom tablet for a workshop that was being offered. While it was fun to play around on, I really struggled with drawing on a black tablet and see the image show up on the laptop. I couldn't get used to the disconnect between my drawing hand and where the end result was.
So I never moved any closer to digital drawing as a result.

Until this Spring.

One night in March, while watching Bill Maher, I started by doodling on my iphone, with my finger.

Then I borrowed my little friend Emma's ipad and bought a stylus, and suddenly the potential of what I could do finally over shadowed the technical learning curve I feared.

On my way to the European Caricature Convention in April, I met up with my good friend, Jon Casey, (who is a master at live digital caricatures) in San Fransisco and confided in him that I was finally seriously thinking about getting into digital. Over wine, we discussed the kind of hardware and software he used, he offered tips and suggestions and was VERY encouraging, especially about doing live digital gigs.

In Spain, I watched Harold from Holland draw brilliant digital caricatures on a cordless tablet and at that moment I thought "OK, now I especially like that". I spent the week watching him create caricature after caricature, print them out on small 4" x 6" postcards and I was hooked.

All I could think was.... "Yup...I want to be able to do that".

So, a couple weeks after I got home, I bought the Cintiq 12W, choosing the smaller version because its easier to carry around. I already traditionally draw quite small (8.5 x 11) so it seemed like a good size for me as I would be I would be using it mostly for gigs and bringing it back and forth between home and the studio.

I must admit...when I first started drawing on it, I felt lost. It was kind of like standing at an endless buffet table, not knowing where to begin eating, completely afraid that I would pick all the wrong entrees and then my brain would be too full to digest what I really needed to learn. I knew that eventually I would be able to do SO MUCH cool stuff, but I realized that I needed to start somewhere familiar, to avoid feeling overwhelmed, (plus I had 2 live digital gigs booked less than 3 weeks away and had to be ready).

So first, I spent a lot of time looking over the digital work that I admired. I dissected it and tried to think about how I wanted mine to look, and tried to figure out exactly what tools would I need to use to make them look that way.

Since, I really do enjoy drawing in my traditional live gig style (and because I have been doing it for 27 years), I figured it would be better not to stray too far from what I already knew. So, I figured that if I made the digital tools work the way my familiar markers did, then the transition might be simpler.

I opted for Photoshop because I already knew how to use it quite well and I set up a "mock gig" at my studio and tried my hand at live digital drawing. It went ok, but there were things I didn't like about photoshop.Corel Sketch Pad came with my Cintiq and since I remembered Jon saying he liked Corel, I thought I would try it. We instantly hit it off! I quickly figured out which tools acted the most like what I was familiar with and then I made a cheat sheet for myself to remember what tool settings those were. I practiced a few more times and it just felt so easy.

I have done 5 digital gigs now and 3 digital commissions and I LOVE IT.
Digital allows me a freer approach to drawing, which is relaxing and refreshing after 27 years. I love not having to be so committed to the line. Marker is just so unforgiving.

As a result, my relationship with digital is lighter and more experimental, fueled by the ability to "undo".

I don't know exactly where I am headed...but I will definitely be bringing my Cintiq with me.

2011-05-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

A different kind of jet lag...

I have been home from Spain for 4 weeks and still I feel new thoughts, ideas and revelations from my time there, catching up with me, pulling at my sleeve and forcing me to adjust my life to make room for them.

The day after I got home from Spain was the deadline for my vendor application to the Fringe Festival, a Festival that I have drawn caricatures at every August for the last 24 years. (No matter where I traveled in the world, I always came back to Edmonton in August to draw at the Fringe.)

This year, the vendor fees went up again and after almost a quarter century, I finally felt the crushing frustration of living with a career that functions regularly on a "breaking even" mentality.

I just feel, after doing caricatures for 27 years, that I am finally done with the whole "pay money to set up somewhere to draw and maybe make some money, or at least break even." arrangement.

In Girona, I was so inspired by the vibrant little shops everywhere. I spent many hours walking down the narrow streets, enjoying the culture of cafe/street life that is definitely a part of Spain's magic.

As I browsed the funky little shops and cafes, I couldn't help but question the functionality of my little shop, back in Edmonton...my "pretend cafe" that is actually an art studio. A place that confuses passerbys with its perpetual "Sorry we're closed" sign and the fact that it looks like a cozy cafe but "no, we don't serve coffee."

So, in my jet lag tiredness, at the very last minute, I decided I would not apply to the fringe this year and instead, I would take the $2000 + that it would have cost me to have a vendor booth there, and I would invest it into my own little shop.

I would now make it into a real cafe, one that sells espressos and lattes and some baked goods. I would try to give our neighborhood a little taste of that funky little shop/cafe essence that I experienced in Spain. I would also hopefully supplement my art income and possibly even be able to increase it to help with the ever escalating costs of raising 3 kids.

So, I have been busy.
Almost every moment of the past four weeks, I have been researching permits and licenses, looking for sinks and details about plumbing, shopping for supplies and equipment, making a million decisions and looking for that perfect coffee counter to serve the coffee from. There is still a LONG way to go to get actually up and running as a real cafe but its on the way and will be opening sometime this August.

I will still do my caricature gigs, and it will still be my art studio— where I draw my commission work/ paint and the place where I teach art classes (and bring in other artists to teach some classes and workshops), but now it will ALSO be a funky little place to come get a latte or cappuccino, a light snack, a slushie, or maybe buy a painting and/or get your caricature done.

And possibly just by chance, some of those hundreds of people that I have drawn for years and years, might come to my little caricature shop/cafe (which is only 20 blocks away from the Fringe) to continue to get their yearly caricatures drawn.
(my "mocked up" sign that will finally go on the outside of my shop.)

2011-04-19T18:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently size does matter.

(at least in conventions.)

This mini-con in Spain is Fantastic!
I am particularly loving the "mini"-ness of it.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE the big, annual ISCA conventions in November (in the US) but here in Girona, there is just something special going on. Here, there are two elements that don't exist at the bigger ones
...intimacy and informality,
(which I realize can ONLY exist with a smaller attendance list.)

....and I LOVE the smallness.
Maybe its just me, but I feel more comfortable about approaching
and talking to artists here. I have seen many of these artists at the main convention but with SO many artists there, I know that I have been shy to initiate a conversation with them.
Here... it just happens naturally.

I also have to say, that I have enjoyed the flexible attitude
and the spontaneous quality
about how things are run.

It really is wonderful.
Jan Op De Beek giving his drawing session today.

Also, the way that my son Ry has been accepted in and made to feel like he belongs here, has really touched me. It makes me feel so good to be a part of a group of people like this. Everyone here is encouraging him to draw and/or be drawn, they are welcoming him to come out to cafes and bars with us, and when he talks to people, they are really listening and responding to him.

I am so excited to see what impact this trip will have on his life.

It really is an honor and privilege to be a member of this amazing international group
of caricature artists.

2011-04-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes in life,
a path appears
and you just know that you must take it,
even though it makes absolutely no sense
in a realistic, logical or financial way."

Ry (at 2) with his Uncle Weston, photo taken by his uncle Danny

I'm leaving for Spain tomorrow and following that kind of path...

It all started over a year ago when Ry, my oldest son, came home from school and announced to me, that he wanted to go to Spain. "Hmmm...Really?" I replied "Spain?" Now, Ry is a REAL "homebody", in fact he rarely likes to leave the house. So for him to decide that there was a place somewhere out "there", that he wanted to see, came as quite a surprise to me.

A few months later, I read an announcement for a caricature mini-convention in Girona, Spain for April 2011, and the wheels in my brain start turning....Wouldn't it be amazing to go to the convention and take Ry with me! He has seen videos and photos of the conventions that I have been to, and has always been fascinated and interested in them. Just so you know, Ryllan has never been an easy child to parent (right from day one) but in the last year, we slowly seem to be figuring out how to really connect to each other. I actually feel closer to him right now, than I ever have. I know kids are supposed to get more difficult as teens, but Ryllan has always done things his own unique way. Spending time with him, right now, at 14, in a place that has a special reason for both of us to be there, seems very important and like a "once in a lifetime" kind of thing.

But how would we ever be able to afford to go to Spain with our financial limitations?

So, months go by and I just keep the idea carefully pinned to the cork board in my head.

I plan my winter/spring teaching classes to end the week before we would have to leave, you know, just in case we go to Spain.

I don't book any gigs during that time, also "just in case we go to Spain".

In January, I make a "new workout" play list on my iphone for running and to make it different from the other "workout" play list, that I already have, I label this one "Workout for Spain".

I agree to do the solo art show in April, because after the opening, I would be free to go to Spain.

But slowly my optimism gets worn down with the whole financial aspects of being an artist and the struggles that go with it daily, even after 27 years of doing this.

Then 6 weeks ago, I was talking to my brother Weston, and suddenly during our long chat, I begin to tell him about all this Spain stuff and how much I had been hoping somehow to go with Ry, but things weren't looking too good. He asks what part of Spain is it in, and I say "We would fly into Barcelona and make our way by train to Girona, an hour north".

There was a pause...

and then Weston tells me that he and Danny had had a trip bought and paid for, to Barcelona, about 5 years ago. It was to be their first, big executive trip together, but unfortunately it got canceled because of Weston's work with ebay. They tried 2 more times to do the trip but work always prevented it from happening.

Danny died last January from Cancer.
They never went to Spain.

Within moments Weston said...
"We're going. You, me and Ry. He and I can hang out while you are drawing."
Then he said, "I will help you out with the plane tickets if you can manage the rest."

And just like that, the decision was made.

So, a couple weeks ago, I withdrew all my measly RRSP's and we leave tomorrow. Ry and I fly to San Fransisco to spend a couple days with Weston in San Jose and then the three of us fly to Barcelona on Saturday night.

I really can't afford to go,
but I also know that I can't afford to miss this kind of opportunity
to go to Spain right now with my teenage son and my only brother,
to a place that has individual significance for each of us to be there.

Life is so short. I need to live it.

2011-04-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

"Your dreams, what you hope for and all that,

it's not separate from your life.

It grows right up out of it. “

~Barbara Kingsolver

Thank you to everyone who wished me well for my show and especially to those who took the time to come to my opening.

2011-04-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

‎"Everyone in me is a bird
I am beating all my wings"
— Sylvia Plath

The opening reception for my first solo show is tonight 5-7 pm
at the Naess Gallery (10032-81 Ave)
Please come.

2011-04-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

Detox Day 10

Wholeness—a force much stronger than Will Power

I was trying to think of a word that describes what I feel like after 10 days...
exuberance?....no, not really.
awesome?...well yeah, but kind of overused.
hmmm......
Then I came up with it.....
I just feel "whole".
Nothing is missing.
There is no need or craving to eat or drink anything that my body doesn't need physically and I don't think about food at all during the day, except when I am really hungry.
wow.

Last night, after I dropped off all my art to the gallery, I felt a HUGE wave of accomplishment. I really did it!
Five weeks ago, I had been panicking because I was way behind in painting, due to the winter flu boarding at our house in January and February. Once everyone was well again, I gave it everything I had.

Tonight, when I stepped out of the gallery, the first thought I had was "I really deserve a glass of wine tonight." And since, in my world, there are always exceptions to the rule, even during a detox, I decided I would.

But the strangest thing happened when the 5 of us sat down to watch a movie and Mark asked if I wanted a glass of wine.
I said "You know what, I don't think so".

Yeah... even I had a double take.

Did I really just say that?

It wasn't will power. (If anything I have VERY little will power, especially in regards to externally applied things like budgets, diets, routines and especially to NOT drinking wine.)

It was something else. I just felt like I was in a place where I could actually decide what I wanted to do, not just give in to a pattern or a habit or a craving without thinking. That is what is fascinating about this kind of detox. When you get your body to an alkaline place, you just feel whole, and your head is clear to make a decision about whether you really do want something or not.

All I could think of was, you know, its only 11 more days and I am almost halfway there.

Perhaps, I did it because the feeling of accomplishment from my show was still sitting in the room with me and as I looked over at it, I thought "I want more of that in my life".

2011-03-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

A lot of parents will do anything for their children, except let them be themselves

~Banksy

I am into the final hours of preparation for my show, with all my work going to the gallery on Thursday. The kids are off school on Spring Break this week, so thankfully my parents offered to spend time with them and help me in anyway they could.

That is what my parents have always done....
encouraged and supported me in anyway they could,
to be who I am, and to do what I needed to do.

Yesterday, my Dad spent hours with me at the studio putting wires on my paintings, giving me some feedback on my paintings, talking about art and my career as an artist. It was probably one of the best afternoons of my life.

Here I was, in my own studio, with my dad, prepping for my FIRST solo show. My mom was only a couple blocks away, hanging out with my 3 kids at my house. All I could think was, "I am so grateful they are here to be a part of this excitement with me." 2 years ago my Dad had a double lung transplant and without it, he probably wouldn't be alive right now, and if he was alive, he certainly wouldn't have been well enough to be helping me prepare for my show.

They have listened respectfully, to all my philosophies of life, even as those ideas changed many times over the years, they encouraged and helped me forge a caricature career, they excitedly were there for the first grandchild and are still an enormous presence in all my children's lives and lastly and most importantly, I know they love me for who I really am,
completely.

Almost every time I draw caricatures someone says
"you are so lucky you can draw".
You know what?
That is not luck. That was hard work.

Luck,

was getting the remarkable parents that I have.

2011-03-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

I just received the poster for my show. I can't tell you how exciting it is for me.
Events just look so official when you put them on a poster.

The show will contain 12 gallery stretched paintings, 10 altered art journals openly displayed on the walls and over one hundred of my filled art and written journals strung overhead.

Artist Statement

This is my life.
These are my words.
These are my thoughts.
This is what is inside of me.
These are all the colours I feel.
These are the images that speak to me.
These are the layers and textures I crave to touch.
These are the bits and splatters that I wake up to each day.
These are the books and the canvases that I have mopped up my life with.

This is who I am.

2011-03-26T05:51:00.000-07:00

Making the decision to have a child—it is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around
outside your body."
~Elizabeth StoneHappy 14th birthday Ryllan

I am so excited to see what memories you and I
will gather together in Spain.

I love you.

2011-03-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Detox Day 2

I bought this cereal with the catchy title, specifically for this detox, and I have to say I really like it. Its filled with organic chia, hulled hemp hearts, organic buckwheat, organic cranberries, apple bits and cinnamon.

You only only use 2 Tbsp (added to 4 Tbsp of soy, hemp or rice milk) in a serving which isn't a lot, but works as a PERFECT addition to the 24 ounces of fresh juice that I am drinking for breakfast and takes the hunger edge off completely. That 2 Tbsp contains 23% of your daily fibre value, 13% of your Iron, and 8% of your protein. Its quite expensive (I think about $12) but the taste is really nice and this one bag will most likely last me the entire detox.

I am not going to write out everything I consumed today because a lot of it was similar to yesterday. A few different things like gluten free bread and cucumbers with black bean dip, lentil soup and avocado.

Still feeling good, moments of pure exhaustion and some major hunger pangs today, purely because ran out of snacks for myself while doing a lot of kid stuff this afternoon.

I know that I will begin to crave some "heavier" proteins soon, and definitely some wine but its only for 19 more days.

2011-03-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

Detox Day 1

I feel surprisingly good. Thought for sure I would get a headache but never did. Tried to take it easy, really listen to my mind and body and do whatever I felt like doing. So I wrote and painted. Felt exhausted in the mid afternoon at the studio, so curled up in my green chair for a small snooze. Also felt exhausted and mentally foggy after dinner but after I laid down again for about a half hour and it went away.

What I consumed today

Morning

Moroccan mint tea- (3 cups)
Juice- kale, spinach, romaine lettuce, broccoli stems, cucumber, carrot, celery, green apple, beet (About 24 ounces)

Afternoon

Romaine lettuce salad with tomatoes and vegan Ranch dressing
brown rice bun with roasted red pepper hummus
banana
red gala apple
Juice- kale, spinach, romaine lettuce, cucumber, carrot, celery, green apple, beet (about 16 ounces)

Evening

brown rice bowl smothered with lightly steamed broccoli and cauliflower and Thai sesame dressing
organic greens salad with vegan dressing-garlic and sun dried tomato
Juice-green apple, orange, and pineapple (8 ounces)
glass of sparkling mineral water

*Also about 4-5 glasses of water throughout the day.

And going to bed by 10:30!

2011-03-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

Life is short.

Live like you mean it.

"Living simply is not about living in poverty or self-inflicted deprivation. It's about living an examined life where one has determined what is truly important and enough … and then just let go of all the rest. "
— Duane El gin

By last December, I was really burnt out.

Years of working REALLY hard had worn me down....

caricature gigs,

commissions and magazine layout work,

teaching classes and workshops,

pursuing my painting and creative pursuits,

all the responsibilities of life with 3 young children,

taking care of a house (and all the things that go along with that),

having a commercial studio space to also maintain and pay for

......all on VERY little sleep (average of 4-5 hours per night)

Unhealthy coping habits had become the norm.

By December 2010, I knew I wanted to make some changes.

So I decided that I was going to make 2011,

the year that I began to completely realign and

reorganize my life again

for a purpose.

These are the things I have done so far this year towards this:

I completely de-cluttered and simplified our home, our life and my studio.
I stepped back from all my art for a bit and thought about what parts of it excited me and what parts drained me. I am still in the process of redefining the areas in my art career that I want to expand, in alignment with the art I produce purely for income.
I analysed my "time" habits and saw where hours were leaking out. I then figured out the boundaries I would need to make to get the full use of my time aimed towards what I really wanted.
I devised a new daily pattern that invested my time in my dreams FIRST in the day, instead of later.

Then a couple of weeks ago,

I stumbled upon Kris Carr and her crazy sexy life story

in a magazine article and something about her intriqued me.

I love to be intriqued by people,

because they always have something to teach me.

So I looked more at her website crazysexylife.com

and her amazing cancer healing story.

The things that struck me the most though,

was that nothing I read about how she got healthy was new to me.

It was about juicing and whole foods and living with less stress etc,

things I had read about for the past 20 years.

The thing that struck me this time,

was that I felt like I finally knew what I needed to do.

In your late 40's you know that physical health and vibrancy has a lot to do with your eating habits and your lifestyle and I was aware that although I wasn't feeling negative results from the way I was living yet, it was probably only a matter of time.

So today to start with,

I begin her 21 day detox and

I guess we'll see where this takes me.....

2011-03-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Choosing a painting to be the one "image" of a show

is as difficult as choosing a favorite child.
I bond with each one differently for very specific reasons
but love them all intensely the same.

This is the painting I have chosen to represent my upcoming solo show.
It is called The Secret of the Singing Heart.
(which is the text from a book page on the treasure box
that is hanging from the painting.)

A close second was this painting called The Blue Chair...
Honestly though, many of them were a close second.

2011-02-22T16:45:00.000-08:00

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

This is a photo I took 2 weeks ago of a 16 person caricature I am working on.

It still looks the same way today.

Today, I finally spent the whole day at the studio, one of only a handful that I have been able to, in the past 6 weeks, because of my 3 children being really sick, then getting sick myself, and now having one that is still quite sick. As I straightened out supplies, cleaned tables and sorted through all the pending projects and overdue administration work, I couldn't help but feel so irresponsible. I have only managed to get done what was ABSOLUTELY necessary to get done in that time, and honestly even that felt like a struggle. So today, as I scraped paint off the tables from a class 8 days ago, that word "irresponsible" just kept running through my head.

But what else can I do? All this time that I have been "irresponsible" at work, I have in fact been "responsible" in the other area of my life— taking care of my family. I feel good being able to be with my kids when they are sick, especially since there are so many times where I have been irresponsible as their mom...forgotten they had a field trip or that they needed to bring something specific for school, or that time I forgot to pick one up on a dreadful early dismissal Thursday.

Then, as I am paying studio bills, I suddenly remember that I am responsible to bring in half of our family income to survive. Wow, and then I actually achieve feeling irresponsible on both sides, AT THE SAME TIME!

The thing is, I don't know if there is a way to change this struggle. A lot of days it works fine, I draw, I spend time with my family and it all feels great. Then we hit something like this past 6 weeks, or a busy Christmas gig season, or a Fringe Festival week and its not. I am assuming that as my kids grow up and slowly require less of me, then I will feel less irresponsible on both sides. For right now, though, I don't think there is an answer beyond just doing what I can do as I do it and hope people understand.

Late last night, I stumbled upon an email for a caricature I was supposed to do that was to be in Calgary by tomorrow. I felt so bad that I had forgotten. I sent her an email late, late last night, saying that I would try to get it done and sent off today. This morning Jane, (who I only know through this corporation I have done work for in Calgary) called and we talked a bit then she sent me this email...

"Okay sweetheart, to relieve some of the tension - lets make this for his party on March 04th - as we chatted on the phone you need to get healthy and take care of yourself. Also thanks again for the donation to Casting for Life.
Big hugs,
Jane"

Tears honestly welled up in my eyes when I read it. I took a deep breath, and felt a sudden relief that someone else does understand, and for a brief moment I stopped feeling irresponsible.

2011-02-17T16:02:00.000-08:00

A boy intrigued by politics and planning ahead....

My 13 year old son Ry is VERY interested in politics, both on a national and an international level. Last week Ry (who rarely texts anyone), sent his Dad (who also is very interested in politics) a text with these three words..."Mubarak stepped down" the minute he heard the news.

In his research lately, Ry recently discovered that anyone can request the flag that has flown on the Peace Tower on Parliament Hill in Ottawa and they will send it to you. So, he sent a request. Today in the mail he received this letter, a notice that he will receive his flag in 32 years! He will be almost 46 years old (my age) when he gets it.

The funniest thing was Ry made sure that I gave his letter back to him after I took a picture of it because he said "I might be living somewhere else by then and I'll have to send them an update of my address"
To which I responded "yeah, I would hope so." :)

2011-01-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

My very first digital caricature.... using Sketchbook pro done on my iPhone (that I downloaded a couple days ago). I have just been using my finger to draw because I don't have any touch screen pen to use yet. I have to admit its REALLY fun!
This was done while watching Real Time with Bill Maher tonight...and BTW.. I LOVED his analogy between football and socialism...BRILLIANT.

2011-01-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

Gotta LOVE those Christmas parties in January!

Here's a picture of the cutest couple from Saturday nights gig....
had a fantastic time talking with them and as you can tell they loved their caricature.

2011-01-17T12:55:00.000-08:00

Immobilized by "Too Much".

Its been snowing here....
a lot.

"Too Much" in my opinion.

A couple days ago I started to get cranky.
Then I got REALLY cranky.
Then I noticed that I was becoming mentally numb.
I thought maybe I was getting depressed from the weather (which is very odd for me).
But I just couldn't concentrate on anything.
I felt like I was suffocating.
Then this morning, it reached a point where I couldn't think at all.
My mind felt completely frozen in the snow.

Then it occurred to me, I wasn't depressed,
I was stressed out.

Since I don't often feel stress, I googled it...
and I read something fascinating on helpguide.org

Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

Foot on the gas – An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
Foot on the brake – A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
Foot on both – A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

I realized I am a "foot on both pedals" reaction kind of person.
That is exactly how I felt.

But I wanted to feel like myself again.
So, I thought "Some mindless labour might help....since I can't concentrate on any drawing right now. I'll clean and straighten up the house, (since I never got to it on the weekend)."

Over Christmas, with the massive purging and decluttering I did, the house has been really easy to keep clean and organized. Even all three of my children have been taking it upon themselves, without me asking, to clean their rooms. (And this NEVER used to happen). Their rooms used to be filled with so much crap and clutter, I couldn't get them to keep it clean. I would go in there and clean it REALLY good, a couple times a year but within a week or two it was back to being a mess.

THAT'S when it hit me!

Too Much of anything causes stress.

Too Much exercise puts stress on the body,
Too Much food puts stress on the digestive system,
Too Much clutter makes cleaning stressful,
Too Much responsibility is stressful for the mind
and then there is
Too much snow.

My kids apparently now have the right amount of possessions
that they each can handle in their personal space
and so "Too Much" no longer immobilizes them.

It must have been SO overwhelming for them to feel responsible for "Too Much" stuff. And since its very natural for kids to make a mess (just like I do at the studio), it would have been very defeating for them to figure out what to do with it all when it wasn't going to be an easy task to put it away. However, now that there is far less stuff and everything has a place to go away to, it takes no time at all to clean it up.
I also think that they understand intuitively how good they feel being
in control of their own space and lives, and that is why they take care of it.

Sometimes, we have "Too Much" of something, like snow, and there really isn't anything that we can do about it, except deal with the situation as best we can, while it is happening. However, there are many "Too much" situations in our lives that are COMPLETELY under our control....
"Too much" clutter, "Too much" work, "Too much" stuff to do, ....etc.

After I finished cleaning the house (which only takes an hour and a half, once a week now), I felt SO much better and I was finally ready to tackle the task of dealing with
too much snow.

2011-01-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

Everything in life happens for a reason.

You know, I have pretty much believed that statement my whole life.
That is,
up until exactly a year ago,
when my brother in law Danny died of Cancer at the age of 57.
And for the past year now, I have tried to figure out the "reason" for it,
desperately wanting to put some justifiable swing on it,
that could make sense to me, in my life...
but....
I haven't found any.

So....
I ammended my philosophy to

Everything in life happens for a reason,
except for those things that don't.

The one thing I have to say is,
that I think of Danny everyday now,
since he died.
He is a constant reminder to me of just how short life can be,
and how important it is to really LIVE while we are alive.

Perhaps not everything in life
needs a reason for WHY it happens,
but if we can take what happens
and attach some positive meaning to it
and to our own lives because of it...
then maybe it gives it a reason for happening.

This is a poem I wrote to Danny a year ago,
late one night just before he died, because well...
I really didn't know what else to say.....

What DO you say to someone you love who is
quickly nearing the end of their life at 57 years old?

I really don't know.

But scanning in my daughter's drawings
and writing a cheezy Dr. Suess "like" poem
felt right tonight
and gave me something to do
with the waves of sadness.

Goodbye Danny
a "GREAT" bye for you,
(as great a bye as I could do).

Goodbye Christmas tree

Goodbye smile

Hello tears all single file

Goodbye arms that held you tight

Hello memories, shining light.

Goodbye Danny, love you—I do!
Hello heart that's missing you.

Love, Cath

Thanks to my little Piper for all her drawings in this goodbye to her uncle Danny

I miss you Danny.
January 2011

2011-01-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Creation is a better means of self-expression than possession;

it is through creating, not possessing,
that life is revealed.
~Vida D. Scudder
Just so you know...
I despise making grocery lists.
I also hate deciding what to have/make for dinner every night and looking for lost school forms or over due library books amongst tons of clutter makes me REALLY cranky.

For a long time now, a lot of my energy has been seeping out the cracks of my ineptly constructed home management system. (Actually, to be honest, there's never been a system...we have just been existing in a state of "coping".) Over the last 5 years, as my art business increased (yet with preschoolers still at home), both Mark and I have just done our best to survive.

I promised myself this past summer, that in January, after my busy fall caricature gig season was over, I would take the time to "bulldoze" what was there and rebuild something much better for our lives.

So...I have been cleaning.
Actually, I guess I should really call it "discarding", "eliminating" or "throwing away" and now the empty spaces where all those objects, clothes, toys, files were, are suddenly filled with fresh new energy.

The next thing I did was create sustainable and maintainable systems
so that it doesn't all return to chaos in a week...

Here are some of the home systems I have figured out:
There are 5 of us —2 adults and 3 kids-13, 9 and 6, living in about 1100 sq feet with one bathroom. (Each child does have their own bedroom.)
(Some of these things may be so elementary and obvious to you but these are all new and exciting discoveries for me....)

A place for EVERYTHING: Every single item in our house now has a place to go away to (a shelf, a cupboard or a drawer), and so it is the responsibility of whomever was using it to put it away. If something new comes in, a spot must be found for it or it must go (or something else must leave). The kids each have one medium sized memory box in the storage room for their special momentos.
School Crap: There is one spot by the front door for all the school things; library books, Friday folders, field trip forms. Its an old wooden mail sorter and works perfectly- with drawers underneath for spare keys
Important Things: There is a filing pocket magnetically attached to the fridge for all the things like tickets, cheques, bills, forms to be signed etc. (bought at Staples)
Laundry: all the kids now have their each colour coded laundry hampers for their dirty clothes and then when the clean folded clothes are put back into the hamper, they are each responsible for putting them away in their drawers.
Meals and groceries: I have prepared a month of menus, divided into 4 weeks, into a word document and each week has a grocery list at the bottom of the page for that specific week....so whomever is going grocery shopping for the week just needs to print off that list.
Family discussion and agreement: all 5 of us have important things to do in our lives and we must work together as a team to meet everyone's needs. So, everyone must keep their personal space tidy (and clean up after they have friends over.)

So now I'm off to establish some new sustainable systems for my art studio business....

2011-01-01T18:46:00.000-08:00

I made no resolutions for the New Year.

The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life,
is too much of a daily event for me.
~Anaïs Nin

2010-12-13T15:09:00.000-08:00

This is exactly how I have felt for the past 3 years...

However,
I have always managed to squeeze my life's immediate and necessary
details into my brain,
you know, tucking them down the sides,
taping them to the front,
or cramming them in, then closing the lid really fast......
that is, up until about a month ago.

Then, abruptly, my brain reached its absolute FULL saturation point
and some things just stopped going in.

Suddenly, I was hurting myself on all the unabsorbed details....
I stubbed my toe on a gig I had not recorded and then booked two other gigs for the same night,
I slammed my hip into some appointments I missed,
and then really gashed my head against the 3 different commission pieces I had
for 3 women all named Shannon.

My brain was TOO full.

A couple weeks ago I spent the entire day spontaneously painting for myself,

and at the end of the day I chatted briefly with a very close artist friend.
I mentioned how I had sort of got caught up painting
but really should have been doing all the things on that long list of things
I SHOULD have been doing....
and this was Mike's response:

"There is never anything you should have done
instead of painting, what a fallacy!
Now, the list of things that I should have done
instead of sitting in front of this desk all day,
well, that list is friggin endless."

He is right.
So...I am going to make some big changes in 2011
because my brain is TOO full
and I need to excuse myself, Mr Osborne
so that I can paint.

2010-12-07T19:00:00.000-08:00

"She shut her eyes:
the sweet word "promiscuity" came to her mind
and suffused her;
she enunciated silently to herself:
"promiscuity of ideas."
How could such contradictory attitudes
follow after one another
in a single head like two mistresses in the same bed?
In the past that nearly infuriated her,
but today it entrances her.
Because one idea is as good as another.
Because all statements and positions carry the same value,
can rub against one another,
nestle,
snuggle,
fondle,
mingle,
diddle,
cuddle,
couple."

— Milan Kundera

2010-12-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

Homage to a Poinsettia

Every December 1st my brother Weston sends Mark and I,
and my parents (who were also married on Dec.1),
a beautiful, full, lush poinsettia for our anniversaries...and every year,
ours is wilted or leafless or dead before Christmas day.

I don't mean to harm it.
Honestly.
But you know how some things just don't register on life's "priority" radar?
Its just one of THOSE things.
When I look at it, unfortunately I'm NEVER thinking
"Hmmm... I wonder if it needs water"

Usually, I am thinking something like...
"This thing is so huge, where the hell am I going to put it while we eat dinner"?
(because we keep it on the kitchen table)

...and then it dies from neglect.

And believe it or not, I thought maybe this year would be different.
You know, becasue I have so much more personal mental space
now that all my kids are in school.

Then, at 10:30 pm tonight, the phone rang.
It was Weston asking if the poinsettia got delivered
and it was at THAT moment, I knew,
nothing would be different this year.

I had already completely forgotten about it.

Suddenly the radar turned on and there the poinsettia was,
sitting 4 feet from me, in the middle of the living room floor,
still wrapped tight against the winter cold,
from its delivery 5 hours earlier.
As I unwrapped it, while talking to my brother
I was afraid that I had killed it already.
But I hadn't...

and its LOVELY.
And I just really wanted IT to know that,
before it dies.

2010-12-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

"True partnership is only achieved by
separate and whole beings
who retain their uniqueness
even as they unite"
London, England, December 1, 1993.

Happy Anniversary
to the most extraordinary man I have ever known
...my husband Mark.

Thank you honey,
for the fantastic life adventure we've had so far...

from our 'almost' completely secret "backpack style" wedding in London,
with 2 witnesses we barely knew, our $25 wedding rings that we still wear,
and all the photos we took ourselves...

to our great life here....
17 years later,
with these three incredible people we now have in our lives...

Ryllan, Piper and Kieran

The luckiest thing Mark,
I have had happen to me in my life...
was finding you.

2010-11-28T17:14:00.000-08:00

Lorrie Norrington

—departing president of eBay Marketplace
holding my commissioned painting of her. I accepted this last minute commission
just before heading to Vegas for the
International Society of Caricature Artists convention.
I knew that if I did, I would have to spend most of my drawing time
at the Convention on it because it needed to be shipped on the last day of the con.
However, I was so excited to be asked to do one for this kind of special occasion,
so I said yes.

The process...
I started with paint and collaging eBay news articles
about her into the background of the painting.

(photo by Beejay Hawn)

Then, since I was provided with lots of great stories and inside jokes about Lorrie, the drawing part was so much fun to just let those ideas evolve into visual form.
On Friday, just hours before I needed to ship it to San Jose,
I suddenly realized that I needed a colour eBay logo to collage into it
and want to thank Dan Springer for trying to get one to print, to Tracey Iverson for suggesting the packed ISCA printer and Robert Bauer and
Lorin Bernsen for letting me interupt them and for helping me.

Here is a photo of the final painting...
(Photo by Tad Barney)
Also a big thank you to my two amazing ISCA roomates Tad and Mike,
for letting me make as much of a creative mess in our room as I needed to, and for not complaining about it...:)

2010-11-25T13:02:00.000-08:00

Perfection, Flaws and the development of a New Perspective(photo of the low winter sun outside the door of my studio at 2:30 this afternoon)

It’s really warm today. -2 C. Of course that assessment is based purely on looking at it from the right perspective. After having endured the past week of -20 C to -40 C temperatures, today is perfectly balmy. A month ago, this would have felt brutally cold, but now it comes as a HUGE relief to walk outside and not instantly feel the sharp teeth of cold, grab hold of your hands and chew them till they hurt.

I was tutoring a student in caricature yesterday and had a discussion with him about exaggerating the "flaws" (his word) that people have. In that conversation I realized, after 26 years of being a professional caricature artist, I don't view the face that way at all. I see facial features from a completely different perspective. I LOVE faces that deviate from the "norm" and would never consider those features "flaws" at all. The more unique the features are, the more I like to draw their face.

This led me to think about what we consider are perfections and flaws when it comes to our personalities. Everyday there are plenty of opportunities for us to get acquainted with what we lack in ourselves and the way those things affect our lives.

I have spent over 40 years trying to make peace with my own “imperfections”.

Then suddenly today, from a different view point, I caught a glimpse of something I hadn't seen before.....the thought that perhaps its the emptiness created by what I lack,
that allows a place for my unique qualities to grow.

On this day, where many people all over the US are thinking of what they are thankful for, I am thankful for new perspectives and this beautifully warm day.

2010-11-23T16:07:00.000-08:00

A life built on
passion, procrastination, last minute panic
and the desire to be distracted.....

I ALWAYS have a long list of things to be done....
drawing/painting related, kid related and life related.
Up until yesterday,
I thought that I always felt behind
and was struggling to keep up with that list
because I had 3 children and so many other life responsibilities.

I was wrong.
Its because of me.

Oh, how I would love to just get up every morning
and start attacking that long list in its chronological order,
but I can't.

Instead, I realized that I approach the day
(AFTER I have dealt with any immediate,
demanding or extremely important things)
with an inescapable craving
to follow what interests or moves me
and to spend time with what or who distracts me,
because that must be the real direction
that I need to go in life.

I have always been this way.

Living this way often does make it extremely difficult
to get "real things on the list" done, and I have struggled with that my whole life.
So, to figure out more, I analyzed how DO I manage to get those things done and
I discovered there are 4 ways that I get things in my life accomplished:

1). By a complete, passionate, creative submergence initiated by a STRONG need to express something.

2). By last minute panic.

3). By having something so enjoyably distracting going on while I am doing what needs to be done that I manage to get it done without even thinking.

4). By a spiraling cycle of repetitive and predictable procrastination, or in other words, there are things needing to get done that I want to do even less than others, so I get the most appealing things done first, purely out of avoidance of the less appealing ones.

I am sure that I will uncover more about this whole process
over the next few days
but right now, I have a bit of last minute panic going on
and REALLY NEED to get some drawing done.

2010-11-18T12:30:00.000-08:00

Nobody has ever measured, not even poets,
how much the heart can hold.
~Zelda Fitzgerald

2010-11-17T14:12:00.000-08:00

Bound
Repression is not the way to virtue.
When people restrain themselves out of fear, their lives are by necessity diminished.
Only through freely chosen discipline can life be enjoyed and still kept within the bounds of reason.
~Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

2010-11-16T12:56:00.001-08:00

Distracted by a new kind of Silence

I have been back from the ISCA caricature convention for 3 days now and something in my studio has changed. The silence is different. It used to be rich, embracing and promising. Its presence would happily greet me at the door each morning with a cup of introspection in hand, and welcome me to another day of artistic expression.

Suddenly, however, there is a hollowness and an echo in it that I have never heard before.

For the past week I have been drawing and painting with other artists almost 24 hours a day, and the companionship was inspiring and energizing. I was afraid of being really distracted there but instead, this year, I actually found myself more focused precisely because of that energy around me.

Now, I am struggling to re-adjust to the absence of inspiration close enough to caress. Apparently the silence and I have some making up to do.

2010-10-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Who am I?

I am not the canvas.

I am not the paint.

I am not the idea longing to be expressed.

I am the mediator,

living among them
with words,

constantly
negotiating and reconciling
a harmonious existence

for us all.

2010-09-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

"I like a wide margin to my day."

~Henry David Thoreau

Many people have asked me how the first few days of my new "free time" has been going and so I have been thinking a lot about how to describe what it feels like. Well, let me tell you, it certainly doesn't feel like I suddenly have hours and hours of nothing to do. The fact is, I have had TOO much to do in my life, for so long.

Yesterday, I finished drawing in Churchill Square and it suddenly hit me. I don't feel "rushed" anymore. For the past decade, I have felt extremely rushed....in everything. Rushed to prepare and eat meals, rushed to make decisions, rushed to gigs, rushed to get things done, rushed to draw commission work and rushed to go pick up my kids after I was finished a gig.
Rushed and breathless.

Yesterday, it was different. I was done drawing at 1:30 and I still had time to myself before the kids would be finished school. I didn't have to rush somewhere. What a nice feeling!

It actually reminded me of the feeling of moving from our 840 sq. foot /2 bedroom bungalow (with 3 kids) into our 1300 sq foot/4 bedroom split level, that we live in now. With the move everything suddenly had a place, with space around it and there was finally room to breathe. There was an instant feeling of calm space.

THAT is exactly what my life feels like now and I love it. I know that there isn't a lot of extra time to add too much more of anything. However, (with organization) I will be able to add some things that will benefit me, as well as take care of some of the areas in my life that have been neglected for a long time.

It will be up to me to keep my time uncluttered and retain some feeling of a wide margin to my day.

2010-09-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
~Henry David Thoreau
Today was a BIG day.
My daughter Piper, who is also my youngest, started Grade 1 today, marking the first time, in 14 years, that I will not have a child at home with me.
That's a LONG time.

I'm not really sure who was more excited about her starting school, her or I (and believe me, SHE WAS EXCITED). Piper was born "in love with life", so much so, that she vibrates with anticipation and physically shakes when she gets really happy or excited about something. I must admit for a long time, Mark and I were kind of concerned that she had some strange neurological problem :) but have come to see that its simply just that she can't contain her thrill of life inside that little body.

Today at school, after all the kids got into their desks, just when the teacher was about to give a little talk to all the parents, Mark and I looked over at her and tears were welling up in her eyes. I went over to her, sat beside her desk and quietly asked her what was wrong. She shrugged, wiping the tears.
I knew exactly what it was.
I held her hand and whispered "Its all just SO exciting, that it feels TOO overwhelming doesn't it?"

She nodded.
I told her that I feel EXACTLY the same way.

For 14 years now, I have painted, written, drawn, and done magazine layout work during their naps, in the evenings and into the wee hours of the morning. Many nights I fell asleep in my clothes, and started the next day with only about 4 hours of sleep. I really wanted to be with them AND I also really needed to do my art. It was chaotic, exhausting and draining but it was the way it was and so I just did it....for years.

Now, we are entering into a new phase of our lives.
From now on, I will have all day long to be in my studio working, drawing, painting and writing... and focusing on what it is that I need to do and will then be able to come home and really be at home.

The thought of that is just SO exciting, that it feels VERY overwhelming to me.

This morning, as I sat on the floor beside her desk, Piper let go of my hand and suddenly started softly stroking my head while listening to her teacher talk. In that moment I knew.... it was ALL worth it. When her teacher and the principal were done talking, it was time to go. So, I gave her a huge hug, we kissed each other goodbye and then both eagerly entered our new lives.

2010-08-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

I will be drawing at the Edmonton International Fringe Festival Aug. 12-22.

See you there!

2010-07-25T14:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a long travel day to San Jose, California where we are spending a week with my brother Weston. I had a bit of time to do some sketching in the Calgary airport while we waited for the next plane to San Fran. I always try to do it without people knowing that I am drawing them, but something tells me this guy figured it out....:)

2010-07-22T22:59:00.000-07:00

My 13 year old son Ry, has a serious fascination with clouds
and (in my opinion) a great eye for composition when photographing them...
what do you think?...
(all the photos are exactly the way he took them, no cropping by me)

2010-07-12T00:28:00.001-07:00

I had a great time at the wedding I drew at on Saturday evening..and managed to snap some photos...

2010-06-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for my oldest son today, who is packing to go on a camping trip with my Dad this long weekend. My son, Ryllan, who is 13, has always LOVED fishing and camping. He and my Dad have always been close because of that, but its been 8 years since they went camping together. That was due to my Dad's lung illness (pulminary fibrosis) that forced him into carrying his oxygen with him, onto a waiting list for a lung transplant and unable to participate in strenuous activities like that.

Well, 2 years ago, after being on the list for only 5 months, a match for my Dad came up and he underwent a 10 hour, double lung transplant operation at 67 years old and he has been a vibrant, healthy man again, ever since. I am eternally grateful to that person who thought to discuss it with their family members and/or sign their universal donor card, before they died. (located on the back of your health care card in Canada)

Organ donation can change someone else's life, completely.
It has definitely changed ours.

Please sign your donor cards.

2010-06-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

When we seek for connection, we restore the world to wholeness.

Our seemingly separate lives become meaningful
as we discover how truly necessary we are to each other.

~Margaret Wheatley

As an event caricaturist, being paid by the hour, I am always struggling to find the right place in between the speed I draw at, the quality of the pictures I can draw in that time and the amount of time I can talk with each person (because my drawing slows down when I talk).

Last night I drew at a wedding rehearsal dinner. It really was a fantastic type of event to draw at. Sitting right beside the long table of bridal party members and their partners, I felt part of the dinner and conversation as each person came over to be drawn throughout the night. We live in a city of million people, and yet sometimes I feel like if I were to talk to anyone I draw here long enough, we would eventually find someone or something in common and last night that happened much quicker than usual.

The first man I drew, the best man, Grant, seemed a little nervous and awkward starting off the drawing so I asked him what he did for a living. Turns out he is a nurse at the Stollery Children's hospital, not far from our neighborhood. I mentioned that we frequent the ER there on occasion with our three kids, the most recent time being about 2 months ago, when my 8 year old son Kieran, fainted while visiting his friend Colby in the hospital. I wasn't with Kieran at the time, since he had gone with another friend Carson and his mom Kelly. I still remember receiving that phone call from Kelly, trying to explain that Kieran had passed out and they really didn't know why or what had happened and were concerned because he had been banging his head on the floor as he fainted. The nurses there were concerned that maybe he had had a seisure and suggested we have him checked out at emergency. So, I quickly went to the hospital and met them in the ER.

Well, as coincidence would have it, turns out Grant, (the best man), was one of the two nurses who was there when Kieran fainted. He remembered Kieran and the whole situation and it was Grant who got him a popsicle and sat with him till he felt better. He said they had heard later from Colby's parents that Kieran had been checked out and was fine—it was really just a combination of being too hot, low blood sugar and a bit of overwhelm at being in the hospital.

It was wonderful to be able to personally thank Grant for helping Kieran that day, and did so in a way that only a caricaturist can, I gave his caricature a little more hair..:)

2010-06-14T22:15:00.000-07:00

Birthday Party Weekend at The Quirky Art Cafe

I just love hosting birthday parties at my studio!
Its as fun for me to be able to share my space,
as it is for the kids who come for the parties.
Here are some photos from the parties this weekend....

the caricatures that I drew of each of them, the frames that they each decorated...

all the girls busy with their journals...

the journals that they painted...

and the group pictures of all the caricatures...

Seeing how it was such a beautiful weekend
the parties did spill out onto the sidewalk outside with chalk and more creativity...

Happy birthday again Sadie and Erin!

2010-06-12T07:16:00.000-07:00

I will be drawing caricatures today in

the Village of Holden
at their annual Farmer's Day and Soapbox Derby
from 11-3pm
...Looks like its going to be a wonderfully sunny day!
Maybe see you there!

2010-06-11T03:16:00.000-07:00

Edmonton Fringe Festival, August 1992—drawing my brother, Weston McMillan...
(also the year it snowed in Edmonton in August—notice the winter coats :))

I have been sitting out "there" drawing caricatures for 26 years now, wherever "there" may be....a Christmas party, a school, a wedding, the Fringe Festivals or a birthday party. In all those years, I have rarely turned around and looked at the people behind me. At the Fringe Festival or an event setting, I can usually sense when there is a large crowd behind me, just from the temperature change or the sound. Of course though, sometimes I think there are people behind and I will turn around and no one is there.

The thought that woke me up this morning was how much this blog is like drawing in public, and how the people reading it are just looking over my shoulder, watching me as I do it. Maybe that's because I usually post things with very little editing, preferring to just put it out there, live. Perhaps that is why I like it so much, its a very familiar way of working. The differences being that its writing (not just my drawing) and here I can't just turn around to see who's watching me.

Well, for anyone who IS watching... you will notice changes happening here over the next little while, as I am trying out some new "looks" to it. I am trying to understand more about the technical side of what I could do with this blog, but I am pretty impatient with technical things and tend to hit a lot of buttons before I really know what they actually do. So, I will warn you, (since I have very limited time for this kind of development), there may be times when things will get left mid stage and put out there—without me being able to return back to the saved version of how it looked yesterday....and you may wonder "what was she thinking?" (kind of like those people behind me wondering the same thing, when I tried something new with a person's caricature).

...and just so you know, in those cases, I probably don't like it either, but was too exhausted to figure out how to change it back, had to get to work on something else or just went to bed.

2010-06-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

If you leave the pool you have dug for yourself

and go out into the river of life
then life has an astonishing way of taking care of you,
because then there is no taking care on your part.
~Krishnamurti

The Rapids of the Drowned, Fort Smith, NWT....photo taken just after 11 pm June 3

This past weekend, four out of the five women attending my class had attended last year, and so, they each had come with a pretty clear and unique idea of what they wanted to create. Since I am not really a "make your art look exactly like mine, by following these 7 instructions, and we will all end up with the same thing" kind of teacher, it worked out really well. They each had the courage to listen to and follow their own vision of where they wanted to go.

After seeing the Slave River on Thursday night, I thought a lot about how creativity is very much like a river and how in many ways, I am more like an art "lifeguard" than an art "instructor". On Friday night, I led them through some new ideas, techniques and "paddling" exercises and then we all climbed onto that creative river and got taken away with the current. Most of the time, we all paddled along side by side sharing stories and ideas, and I would quietly observe them and make sure everyone was moving along just fine. If I could sense someone was in trouble (getting frustrated by their colour choices or loss of value contrast) that's when I would gently step in and nudge them away from those rocks, to get them back into the current.

I have to say that I was completely blown away by the quality of the work produced and felt like I learned as much from them as I taught. Here are their amazing Art Books....all beginning as old discarded children's hardcover story books...

Geri's beautiful "imperfect" personal journal....Mary's amazingly creative, left handed, travel journal for her upcoming trip to Egypt...
Laurie's stunning guest book for her Fall Art Show....
Chris's very special gift for a friend's birthday....

Unfortunately I missed getting a close up of Debora's book —a new personal altered journal.

And here we all are after our creative "trip"....

2010-06-06T05:22:00.000-07:00

My Journey to
Land of the (almost) Midnight Sun...

I arrived in Fort Smith, NWT on Thursday afternoon and it has been a whirlwind of activity (albeit at a "Fort Smith" relaxed, laid back kind of pace). I was invited a year ago to come and teach an altered book workshop here and it was such a fantastic experience that I was excited to be asked back. This year, I was also asked if I would come a day earlier and draw caricatures for anyone in the town who was interested and since I wasn't already booked that night, I jumped at the chance.

My drawing gig at the museum on Thursday night was one of the most enjoyable events I have ever drawn at. It combined the best of the two caricature worlds I enjoy— retail and event caricature in the best possible way. I had a sign up sheet (compiled prior to my arrival) and people would just wander into the museum at their allotted time and they would sit and we would chat and I would draw them. Since I was being paid by the individual, not by the hour, I felt no pressure to rush through them as quickly as possible and this afforded me the opportunity to really get to know who they were and why they chose to live in such a remote (by my standards) place. It was a beautiful night of conversation and connection, which also led into a late night of wine drinking (by me) and discussion with my host Jeri Miltenberger.

On Friday evening, I began teaching the altered book workshop at the museum, with 5 students (4 of whom I taught last year) and it has been amazing. I feel less like their "instructor" and more like I am just observing the flow of creative energy and kind of nudging people past things that might temporarily snag or distract them. With such a small group (of highly skilled and creative individuals I might add) I have had the freedom to work along side them and participate in the creative energy (not just in a "demo-ing" kind of way), but in a purely creative and personally expressive way, producing my own unique journal in that special energy.

Since I recently began taking an e course from Kelly Rae Roberts called Tips and Tricks to make your Creative Business Soar, I wanted to create a journal that would accompany me on this journey, and I am SO thrilled with my creation. We have one more full day of creative play today and I will soon share some photos of the workshop, of the beautiful books that are being created around me and of my newest journal, and how I plan to use it through this course.

2010-05-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

2010-05-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

2010-05-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

This is my most recent painting...an expressionist style portrait on large canvas, commissioned for wedding gift...(I collaged in part of their invitations, special personal poems, where the wedding was being held and quite a few other things if you look closely...:)

2010-05-06T16:43:00.001-07:00

Lunchtime doodle....

2010-05-05T22:40:00.001-07:00

Tonight I doodled while Kieran read his book to me...

2010-04-23T09:19:00.000-07:00

Just a note to let you know about 2 things coming up...

I still have some openings in my
Altered Book workshop
Sunday May 2 - 10-5 pm at the Studio...

We will be creating a book based on the theme
“Finding your Inner French Girl”
Quote from Entre Nous...”The French girl is entirely, unequivocally self-contained. She is focused on living her own full life, following her own agenda and cultivating her actual self, rather than reinventing herself or pining away to be someone she’s not. Throughout her life, she invests herself in learning and experiencing, not to change who she is, but to become more fundamentally and more fully who she truly is”

This workshop is open to any skill level and anyone aged 9+, the most important requirement needed is the desire to play.
$135.plus GST (includes all supplies and some refreshments will be provided)

Also starting May 10th
the studio will be open
every Monday evening from 7-9
for Open studio time.
If you would like to come by and work on your own projects, or to bring a friend who has never been to the studio and is interested in seeing what goes on, or are interested in finding out more about altered book making and art journaling, please come by.
The cost will be $15 for the 2 hours and will work on a drop in basis...but just to be sure there is room, please make a reservation before hand.
Or inquire that day at 780 619-5979 and I can let you know if there is room.

2010-04-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

Life ought to be a struggle of desire
toward adventures whose nobility will fertilize the soul.
~Rebecca West (1892 - 1983)

How helpless we are, like netted birds, when we are caught by desire!
~Belva Plain

2010-04-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

I just finished a huge commission piece yesterday,

and while I was drawing Piper drew me...

2010-04-11T19:17:00.000-07:00

I drew caricatures last night at a STARS Air Ambulance fund raiser in Smokey Lake Alberta. This is the fourth year that I have drawn at that event (in different surrounding communities each year) and am constantly amazed at their community support..... Last night they raised over $49,000.

Here are some of the photos of the people I drew....

2010-04-09T23:40:00.000-07:00

The Quirky Art Cafe was "grooving" tonight with 10 year old Madi's "hippy/journaling/caricature" birthday bash ...First off, I drew all the girls while they decorated wooden frames and ate pizza. When that was done, I showed them some art journaling techniques for the new little journals that I had sanded and gessoed for them
....and then let them go wild...
meanwhile I scanned in their pictures and made a group picture to print off... and I think...fun was had by all...

2010-04-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

per·mis·sion
1. authorization granted to do something;
formal consentI have been thinking a lot about the word permission lately, and how the lack of it in our lives can be a significant hurdle. Of course, there are tangible circumstances at times, that don't allow us to pursue the things we want (as aggressively as we would like), however, at other times, it is only ourselves and our perceptions that stand in the way.

I am talking about that simple (but not always so easy) act of realizing that we actually CAN do those things that we want to do...if we just give ourselves the permission to do so.

If you could...
what would YOU give yourself
the permission to do?

2010-04-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

A recent commission I just finished...

2010-03-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

A great gig yesterday...at MacEwan University

2010-03-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

Lusting for fluidity
Lust: a passionate or overmastering desire or craving. ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish

Fluidity: the quality or state of being fluid, as in a substance, that is capable of flowing and that changes its shape at a steady rate when acted upon by a force tending to change its shape.

Life is about movement, and the more fluid that movement is, the better...moving through thoughts, moving through emotions, moving through experiences in our lives.... just simply moving. Everything in life is in motion. Change is the constant.

Sometimes however, we get caught in mental and emotional whirlpools, causing a downward spiraling action. We often don't know how far we might get pulled down or for how long. Nor is there anything wrong with getting caught in these whirlpools. They are inevitable in life, because they ARE a part of life, just like whirlpools are part of the ocean.

Sometimes, I guess we just need to take a REALLY deep breath, remember to wear a great pair of flippers, and when we surface, to readjust the point on the horizon we were swimming towards.

2010-03-20T09:50:00.001-07:00

In oneself lies the whole world and if you know how to look and learn, the door is there and the key is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either the key or the door to open, except yourself.

~Krishnamarti

2010-03-16T16:46:00.001-07:00

A Great Gig...

2010-03-11T18:43:00.000-08:00

Apparently in yoga,
there is an area in our bodies that can not be reached or "opened" by any yoga position (asana). It is located in the centre/middle of our back and is referred to as the dead space. I recently experienced a sharp pain in that area on my back and intuitively felt that it was relating to something beyond purely a physical result of the chair I had been sitting in. So, of course, like everything, it leads me to question the correlation that has to my life.

I think our lives themselves, each have a dead space in them... a place that can't be reached or stimulated by our regular, daily life. I am not sure if the essence of that space is the same for everyone or even if its consistently the same throughout our own lives. One thing that I feel it could be related to though, is the need for connection...the need to feel desire and to feel desired. We are social creatures and even with the varying degrees of intro/extroversion, the boundaries of committed relationships and the cultural expectations of behaviour that go with them, that particular need lies within all of us.

In yoga, the only way to stimulate that dead space area in your body is to have someone gently tap that place on your back with their hand. Apparently that experience then ignites the area, bringing it momentarily alive.

Perhaps our lives need that same gentle tapping sometimes,
for us to experience being completely open and alive.

2010-03-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

Falling into passion...Passion is intoxicating and thrilling. It can also be extremely unsettling and frightening. Allowing ourselves to fall into it, whether its creative passion or physical desire is not always easy. It reminds me of the game we used to play at summer camp called "Trust". In the game, someone would stand behind, with their arms ready to catch you. You would then have to close your eyes and fall backwards. Allowing yourself that feeling of free falling, before you felt the relief of their arms, wasn't easy, at least not for me. It threw everything I instinctively desired; balance, stability and solid footing out the window.
Creative energy makes me feel that same way.

When I feel myself passionately drawn to something, its not always initially clear why I need to go there. Rarely does it seem justifiable to invest the time and energy pursuing something more, especially when that pursuit gets in the way all of those things I "should" be doing.

But something always entices me there, and it inevitably takes me where I needed to go.

The game of Trust, became easier, with practice. The more you did it, the more you were able to believe that there was a place you would feel safe again. Following your passion and creative energy is exactly the same.

2010-03-03T22:50:00.000-08:00

Having an sensual experience with art...
It is no surprise to me that the word passion is used by both artists and lovers. To me, creative energy and sexuality are very similar, if not even the same energy expressed in different ways.

I used to live with my art studio. We were really good together. Our needs were always met— late at night, occasional afternoons and sometimes, spontaneously in the wee hours of the morning. There were long, leisurely art sessions spent together, or sometimes just quickies... you know, five minutes before I had to be somewhere else. Often, first thing in the morning, I would wander in there, all rumpled and sleepy, just looking for my coffee cup and the next thing I knew I had been seduced into painting.

Well, about 8 months ago, my studio moved out. It was an exciting, mutual decision for us to live separately. I would have a living room back and it would have a beautiful, larger commercial space for us to make art in, conveniently across the street from the school my kids attend. It was perfect in every way....or so I thought.

The thing is, lately I have started to notice issues with this "long distance" relationship. The spontaneous moments that the studio and I used to share (and deeply enjoy) have been replaced by a relatively routine, planned and structured schedule. Suddenly I find myself late at night, craving...aching actually, for creative expression and there is nothing but my computer to satisfy me. Or alternatively, I find myself at the studio routinely in the morning, after dropping the kids off at school and I'm thinking about the groceries I need to get...not even noticing the gentle whispers, promising pleasure and pure creative expression.

I am not sure what to do. I do know that every relationship has its complicated areas and sometimes it just takes time to understand how to work these things out.

In the meantime, I think I am going to sneak some paints home...just don't tell the studio.

2010-03-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

She used to drag her mattress beside her low window and lie awake for a long while, vibrating with excitement, as a machine vibrates from speed. Life rushed in upon her through that window - or so it seemed. In reality, of course, life rushes from within,
not from without.

~Willa Cather (1873 - 1947),
The Song of the Lark

Tonight I stood outside my studio, after teaching my class and watched the moon rise. I am addicted to the moon. I always have been. I mean, of course I deeply, intensely love the sun. I need it...the light, the warmth, the unfailing trust that it will always be there, even when I can't see it sometimes because of clouds in my sky. It provides everything I love and desire.

Everything of course, except for what the moon provides.
The sun is my mate, the moon is my lover.

Maybe in part, this feeling comes from always having been a night owl. Even as a young child I would stay up late into the night...seeking something. I am sure I drove my parents nuts (just like my night owl children do to me). Still, I can't help but feel that the moon is more like me—a kindred spirit. The sun is steady and unchanging, reliable and consistent. Where as, every single night, the moon is slightly different, marginally more evolved in one direction or another, a fellow traveler.

And every single night before I sleep, I tell my secrets to the moon...

2010-02-26T02:09:00.000-08:00

She bolts awake....yet there's no child at the bedside, no obvious disturbance... hmmmm, she figures it must have just been a thought arriving at the door and carelessly, inconsiderately stamping the snow off its boots, in her mind.

She looks at the clock...2:22 am....hmmm.

She waits for the thought to take off its coat and tell her why its come at such an unreasonable hour.

2:23..........2:24............2:25...........No response...nothing.

Apparently the thought is shy and snuck in, hoping not to wake her...I guess she will have to wait till morning to be officially introduced....except now, she can't sleep.

2010-02-24T03:08:00.000-08:00

Life has its own hidden forces which you can only discover by living.
~Soren Kierkegaard
(1813 - 1855)

The layers of my life

I had a discussion yesterday, at my critique group, about one artist's work that was particularly cluttered and had "so much" going on, all at the same time. Since art is essentially a reflection of society, it was interesting to make note that this young artist's work was a very clear, visual expression or description of life's "busyness" today. While there have always been things in life that would take us "out of the moment"; music, art, literature... now Facebook, emails, texting, and chatting are new, interactive portals to other places and people that live at our fingertips, allowing more than one level, or moment of life, to exist at a time.

This led me into an interesting analysis of my own art. I thought about how I am compelled to build a world of layered collage within my paintings, before I even start to paint. I was asked recently, why I spend so much time putting these beautiful layers of collage down and then cover so much of it up, leaving only a suggestion of the layers underneath. Well, I think I can finally answer that question.

I need layers. I need things going on underneath my paintings...underneath my life. Some of those layers— the relationships and connections I have, are clearly visible and are a rich statement in the painting I am living at the moment. They, of course, are the focus of my life and I try very hard to carefully and visibly maintain them.

However, there are other layers— those spontaneously adhered to my life... stolen moments of conversation and connection. Moment to moment, fluctuating between existing and then being thoroughly painted over; cleared and deleted...hidden from everyone but me. Just like in my collaging, where I don't always know the purpose to the pieces I impulsively select, I wander around with these connections in my thoughts, trying to find the right place to glue them down. It doesn't matter if they aren't visible or that they don't support a strong element of my life's composition. They exist on a different layer. They exist to give my life richness, to add volume and width, which in turn, enriches my understanding, my experience and ultimately my journey in life.

Their presence, although not obvious, are tangible elements in me.... just like the beautiful little ridges, and shadows and lines underneath the paint in my art.

2010-02-22T09:58:00.000-08:00

Constrained by Desire

The personal life deeply lived

always expands into truths beyond itself.
~Anais Nin

2010-02-19T23:33:00.000-08:00

Everytime I draw live at an event I can't believe how LUCKY I am
that I get to do this for a living!
What a FUN night...

2010-02-17T22:36:00.000-08:00

Living an Authentic Life
We are able to laugh when we achieve detachment,

if only for a moment.

~May Sarton

I believe authenticity is one of the most undervalued concepts in society. There is so much pressure to not be authentic...to pretend to be: someone else (without problems or issues), someone who is successful and/or someone who lives a life fulfilling the expectations that exist around us.

Even though I was fortunate to be given that freedom from my parents (by how I was raised) I still struggle with that true dialogue of what I am here to say in this life and the courage to speak up.

I crave to meet people there, in that place of no expectation.
I ache to see people as they really are (instead of how they think they need to pretend to be)
....and I want people to really see me.

2010-02-14T23:30:00.000-08:00

Trust that if you feel “not like yourself” you are probably feeling

more like yourself than you have ever felt before.
~Lena Stevens

2010-02-08T04:17:00.000-08:00

The Language of Artdetail of Brave painting

My Mom's first language was Polish. Her parents had emigrated from Poland before she was born and it wasn't until she went to school that she began to understand and speak English. By the time I was born, she no longer spoke Polish but for some reason she sent my brother and I to Saturday morning Polish school when we were about 7 and 8. I guess she was hoping that in one hour a week we would somehow be able to absorb a language that was entirely foreign to us. I still remember the feeling of complete and utter confusion as to what everyone was saying around me. The teacher would ask me things, encouraging me to respond, but I honestly had absolutely no idea of what she was saying (nor did I have the words or the courage to answer), so I would just nod and pretend to understand.

I think my first language was art. I understood colours and shapes instinctively as a young child. Learning to actually speak art on an intellectual level however, did not begin to develop until my early 30's when I began attending a professional artist's critique group. I remember a very similar feeling, akin to the Polish class, where everyone around me spoke a language I didn't understand. Things like value rhythms and intensity of hue...so, just like when I was 7, I spent a lot of time nodding and pretending.

I do speak art fluently now. I understand that lines, values, shapes and colours are like the letters, words and phrases of the literary language and I am constantly try to improve my art vocabulary. I also now understand that art is essentially a medium of expression, whether that expression is a statement of fact (realist art) or something more (abstract or expressionist art). There are many art 'dialects' (commercial art, fine art) along with numerous individual styles but the foundation and structure of the art language is really quite universal and does exist even beyond personal taste and fad.

The best part, is that understanding art and learning to speak the basics, is absolutely achievable by anyone with the desire to learn and the courage to make mistakes...just like learning to speak Polish.

2010-01-29T21:27:00.000-08:00

“There's no reality except the one contained within us.
That's why so many people live an unreal life.
They take images outside them for reality

and never allow the world within them
to assert itself.”

~Herman Hesse

2010-01-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

I think people don't place a high enough value on how much they are nurtured by doing whatever it is that totally absorbs them.
~Jean Shinoda Bolen

2010-01-26T17:43:00.000-08:00

I get up every morning determined to both change the world

and have one hell of a good time.
Sometimes this makes planning my day
difficult.
~E. B. White (1899 - 1985)

the clock in my studio

2010-01-25T19:00:00.000-08:00

I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more to be than a good dancer.
~Friedrich Nietzsche

2010-01-24T20:01:00.000-08:00

Appreciating the beauty in sadness and pain.

Wow...its almost the end of January, already.
Since its regularly a slow time in the event caricature business, I decided to wait until February to start classes at my studio so that I might in fact have time to paint, work on my own drawings, sketch everyday, spend lots of time with my family, make some great meals, perhaps even deep clean the house again, etc. I had huge expectations for the way that I would spend this time, however it has proven to be completely different than what I anticipated.

A week and a half ago, I drew caricatures at a gig for (ironically enough) a chiropractic event and did some serious damage to my back and sciatic nerve. My back and hips had been very stiff from so many drawing hours (on bad chairs and very little stretching) through Christmas and it all cumulated into severe, debilitating, physical pain that night. Since then, I have been mentally distracted and physically stranded by the pain...limiting my thoughts and actions to short bursts of necessity.

And then of course, the sadness of Danny's death continues to wash over me with waves of disbelief. I keep waiting to wake up and tell Mark about this horrible nightmare I had where Danny didn't get better and he had died...but then I realize, I am not asleep....this really is it.

Tonight, when I stumbled upon this quote from South Park (of all places), I saw a ray of light through the trees...

"I love life...Yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time,
I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad.
It's like...It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me feel human.
The only way I could feel this sad now is
if I felt something really good before.
So I have to take the bad with the good.
So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness."

I am still feeling pain and sadness, but I know that the only way I could feel this now is if I felt something really good before. I apparently needed a wake up call to take better care of my body and not just expect it to suffer silently with the long, long hours of sitting and drawing. I also know that I loved Danny and I will continue to love the very special people in my life as deeply and authentically as I can, because well...its all life and
I'll take the good with the bad.

2010-01-21T22:57:00.000-08:00

When the heart speaks,

the mind finds it indecent to object.
~Milan Kundera,
The Unbearable Lightness of Being

2010-01-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

My wonderful brother in law
Danny Strilchuk
passed away peacefully at home
in San Jose, California
at 3:41 am today.

Danny, we will truly miss your presence in our lives.

2010-01-06T00:50:00.000-08:00

What do you say to someone you love who is
quickly nearing the end of their life at 57 years old?
I really don't know.
But scanning in my daughter's drawings and writing a cheezy Dr. Suess "like" poem felt right tonight and gave me something to do with the waves of sadness.

Goodbye Danny
a "GREAT" bye for you,
(as great a bye as I could do).

Goodbye Christmas tree

Goodbye smile

Hello tears all single file

Goodbye arms that held you tight

Hello memories, shining light.

Goodbye Danny, love you—I do!
Hello heart that's missing you.

Love, Cath

Thanks to my little Piper for all her drawings in this goodbye to her uncle Danny

2010-01-03T06:39:00.000-08:00

Standing on the threshold of this brand new year,
I resolve to imagine and live
my moments in
single file.

"Most of us think ourselves as standing wearily and helplessly at the center of a circle bristling with tasks, burdens, problems, annoyance, and responsibilities which are rushing in upon us. At every moment we have a dozen different things to do, a dozen problems to solve, a dozen strains to endure. We see ourselves as overdriven, overburdened, overtired. This is a common mental picture and it is totally false. No one of us, however crowded his life, has such an existence.

What is the true picture of your life?

Imagine that there is an hour glass on your desk. Connecting the bowl at the top with the bowl at the bottom is a tube so thin that only one grain of sand can pass through it at a time. That is the true picture of your life, even on a super busy day, The crowded hours come to you always one moment at a time. That is the only way they can come. The day may bring many tasks, many problems, strains, but invariably they come in single file.

You want to gain emotional poise?
Remember the hourglass, the grains of sand dropping one by one."
~James Gordon Gilkey

2009-12-26T05:12:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas Day walk...

Walking Home from Oak-Head

There is something
about the snow-laden sky
in winter
in the late afternoon

that brings to the heart elation
and the lovely meaninglessness
of time.
Whenever I get home - whenever -

somebody loves me there.
Meanwhile
I stand in the same dark peace
as any pine tree,

or wander on slowly
like the still unhurried wind,
waiting,
as for a gift,

for the snow to begin
which it does
at first casually,
then, irrepressibly.

Wherever else I live -
in music, in words,
in the fires of the heart,
I abide just as deeply

in this nameless, indivisible place,
this world,
which is falling apart now,
which is white and wild,

which is faithful beyond all our expressions of faith,
our deepest prayers.
Don't worry, sooner or later I'll be home.
Red-cheeked from the roused wind,

I'll stand in the doorway
stamping my boots and slapping my hands,
my shoulders
covered with stars.

~ Mary Oliver ~

2009-12-23T19:35:00.000-08:00

to my Kieran...photo by Mark Dobbelsteyn

having you in my life makes me the luckiest mom in the world.

Happy 8th birthday my sweet boy.

I love you all the way to Pluto...
(and back).
~Mom

2009-12-20T14:23:00.000-08:00

Some more of my favourite live drawings from one of my gigs...

2009-12-16T22:41:00.000-08:00

I wish you sunshine on your path
and storms to season your journey.
I wish you peace in the world in which you live...
More I cannot wish you except perhaps love to make all the rest worthwhile.

~Robert A. Ward

Painting drip people has been consuming a lot of my energy lately
...on altered books, birch panels and clipboards.

Tonight, sitting here,
I realized how much those random splotches
(where the paint used to be)
are like our lives....
in that the defining shape and length of our life
happens totally at random,
without our choice or control.

I guess all we can do is colour in
the space and time that we are given,
as individually and courageously
as we can.

2009-12-12T09:53:00.000-08:00

More live drawing
Thanks to Jan Barton for being my wonderful assistant, driving companion
and photographer last night in Redwater...

2009-12-09T22:49:00.000-08:00

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle
or the mirror that reflects it.

Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)

Once again I drew at the magnificent La Chance Party at "100" on Sunday
and enjoyed every minute...

2009-12-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944)

My perfect space...

I have been working in my studio for about 5 months now and I LOVE it. Right across the street is the school that my children attend—out my front window you can see the school, the park, the playground and our community hall. My kids come for lunch at the studio and sit at the front counter, watching the world of our neighborhood go by. We play their favourite hip hop music, eat lunch, talk about the morning at school and watch for the kids who stay for lunch, to come out to the playground to play. Now that we have snow (TONS of snow), we have been tobogganing at the hill on the playground and soon will be skating at the community hall and then rushing back to the studio for hot chocolate.

When I tell people who come for classes at my studio about how I only live a block and a half away from the studio and that my kids go to school across the street, they inevitably say "Wow that is so perfect"....and you know what...it really is!

Having the studio has allowed my "roles" in life, as a mother and an artist, to finally begin to compliment instead of struggle against each other.

2009-12-02T22:26:00.000-08:00

Timeless As we look deeply within,
we understand our perfect balance.
There is no fear of the cycle of birth, life and death.
For when you stand in the present moment,
you are timeless.
~Rodney Yee

2009-12-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

That is what marriage really means:
helping one another to reach the full status of being persons,
responsible and autonomous beings who
do not run away from life.

~Paul Tournier

Happy Anniversary Mark!

Of all the great things in my life
(and there are many)
meeting you 18 years ago today,
and then marrying you 16 years ago today,
tops the list.

You are the most amazing man I have ever known.
and I love you deeply.

2009-11-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

My hands caught in an act of love...

photo by Jeremy Schindel

I love drawing people. When I draw,

my whole body smiles.

2009-11-27T12:58:00.000-08:00

Wine and Cartoon Portraits...
every year Che hires me to draw at his Christmas customer appreciation evening at Baseline Wine and Spirits, in Sherwood Park.
Its a wonderful and enjoyable drawing event every year.
Here are some pics...

2009-11-26T06:16:00.000-08:00

These two dripped into the studio last night...

2009-11-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

Reaching for...

I am impressed by the amount of definitions attributed to the word "reach". How wonderful that a simple 5 letter word can adapt itself to millions of sentences, each with its own flavor of the word.
My favorites:

To make an excessive effort, as in drawing a conclusion or making a joke
To have extension in space or time: a coat that reaches to the knee; a career that reached over several decades.
To succeed in getting in contact with or communicating with: They reached us by phone. Our newsletter reaches a specialized readership.
An expanse: a reach of prairie; the lower reaches of the food chain.
To try to grasp or touch something: reached for a book.

I always need to be reaching for something...

2009-11-19T22:41:00.000-08:00

You are a product of your environment.
So choose the environment that will
best develop you toward your objective.
Analyze your life in terms of its environment.
Are the things around you helping you toward success
- or are they holding you back
~Clement Stone

I just LOVE my studio!