Saturday, September 04, 2010

"I like a wide margin to my day."
~Henry David Thoreau

Many people have asked me how the first few days of my new "free time" has been going and so I have been thinking a lot about how to describe what it feels like. Well, let me tell you, it certainly doesn't feel like I suddenly have hours and hours of nothing to do. The fact is, I have had TOO much to do in my life, for so long.

Yesterday, I finished drawing in Churchill Square and it suddenly hit me. I don't feel "rushed" anymore. For the past decade, I have felt extremely everything. Rushed to prepare and eat meals, rushed to make decisions, rushed to gigs, rushed to get things done, rushed to draw commission work and rushed to go pick up my kids after I was finished a gig.
Rushed and breathless.

Yesterday, it was different. I was done drawing at 1:30 and I still had time to myself before the kids would be finished school. I didn't have to rush somewhere. What a nice feeling!

It actually reminded me of the feeling of moving from our 840 sq. foot /2 bedroom bungalow (with 3 kids) into our 1300 sq foot/4 bedroom split level, that we live in now. With the move everything suddenly had a place, with space around it and there was finally room to breathe. There was an instant feeling of calm space.

THAT is exactly what my life feels like now and I love it. I know that there isn't a lot of extra time to add too much more of anything. However, (with organization) I will be able to add some things that will benefit me, as well as take care of some of the areas in my life that have been neglected for a long time.

It will be up to me to keep my time uncluttered and retain some feeling of a wide margin to my day.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
~Henry David Thoreau
Today was a BIG day.
My daughter Piper, who is also my youngest, started Grade 1 today, marking the first time, in 14 years, that I will not have a child at home with me.
That's a LONG time.

I'm not really sure who was more excited about her starting school, her or I (and believe me, SHE WAS EXCITED). Piper was born "in love with life", so much so, that she vibrates with anticipation and physically shakes when she gets really happy or excited about something. I must admit for a long time, Mark and I were kind of concerned that she had some strange neurological problem :) but have come to see that its simply just that she can't contain her thrill of life inside that little body.

Today at school, after all the kids got into their desks, just when the teacher was about to give a little talk to all the parents, Mark and I looked over at her and tears were welling up in her eyes. I went over to her, sat beside her desk and quietly asked her what was wrong. She shrugged, wiping the tears.
I knew exactly what it was.
I held her hand and whispered "Its all just SO exciting, that it feels TOO overwhelming doesn't it?"

She nodded.
I told her that I feel EXACTLY the same way.

For 14 years now, I have painted, written, drawn, and done magazine layout work during their naps, in the evenings and into the wee hours of the morning. Many nights I fell asleep in my clothes, and started the next day with only about 4 hours of sleep. I really wanted to be with them AND I also really needed to do my art. It was chaotic, exhausting and draining but it was the way it was and so I just did it....for years.

Now, we are entering into a new phase of our lives.
From now on, I will have all day long to be in my studio working, drawing, painting and writing... and focusing on what it is that I need to do and will then be able to come home and really be at home.

The thought of that is just SO exciting, that it feels VERY overwhelming to me.

This morning, as I sat on the floor beside her desk, Piper let go of my hand and suddenly started softly stroking my head while listening to her teacher talk. In that moment I knew.... it was ALL worth it. When her teacher and the principal were done talking, it was time to go. So, I gave her a huge hug, we kissed each other goodbye and then both eagerly entered our new lives.